I know that I usually write bad things about myself quite often and you can actually see it as self hate but I wanted to explain you how my mind actually works and how I see myself.

It's true that I don't like myself. There are things I want to disappear and to change, physically and mentally. And let's not talk about my insecurities, my huge insecurities about everything.

But I also like myself.

I see myself as a work in progress that will never be able to be perfect but that I can improve and be able to be who I want to be.

I know that it's contradictory and I don't know if I explain this well.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about this thing I have on my mind which is related to this topic.

I have things I like about myself, very specific details about myself that I really like. But I don't know if that's weird because all people I know don't have that.

For example, I like to know things about my friends so I ask them random things and this one time I asked them one physical trait that they liked about themselves and they didn't have one or had to think about a long time. Maybe they never thought about it or something. I don't really know.

I like my moles, specially the three ones that I have on my left hand.

I like my pale skin and the way everything marks it like my clothes that always leave my skin with pink marks.

I like my lips. They're not too tiny nor too big. I find them really cute.

I like eye's color. It's this simple dark brown but I still really like them.

I like my hair. I like the color which is dark chocolate brown and how it grows really fast.

I like my neck and collarbones.

I like lots of things about myself.

Cold to the touch but she's warm as the devil.

"My only victory of the night was the wad of money in my pocket and the knowledge that these people were as pathetic as I was"

- Dark Places, Gillian Flynn

I've been reflecting on something. Should I post more often? If I post more often maybe I will share more about myself (?). Dunno.

I really like this blog because I feel like It's a space of mine where I can share things about myself that I don't share to everybody. These texts reveal my like to more "intense" or "dark" (it's not that dark but still) and I really feel confortable here. If I share more about myself and somebody discover this little space, maybe I will feel desconfortable and, in some way, in risk.

I write here these texts and some stories (that I haven't posted yet, I'm still working on them) that I feel like they're pretty intimidate. Not like I relate completely to them but they, in some part, belong to me. And to Juliet because she is often the main character.´

I will think about it more. I still don't know.

These last posts (this one and this one) are some old ones I had in my drafts. It's funny to read them again. Anyway, in the "Something Sweet" I corrected him and wrote more. I personaly think that it is pretty cool and I have this wanting to make characters and stories out of these texts, to give these little texts some context but I need to go slowly and I'm always busy with something else.

Why?

Why can't I have it?

I want it so much, so why?

I want it.

I need it.

Why?

Why can't I have him?

Why doesn't he look at me?

Please, just look at me. I can do everything for you. I want your happiness.

Why do you look at her?

Why do you smile like that to her?

Why can't it be me?

I'm here. I exist. I have my arms open. So, why?

Something Sweet

Can I eat you?

Can I have you for myself?

I want you.

Please.

I really like you.



I wanna feel your skin against my lips,

against my teeth.

 I wanna taste you.

So bad.



 I wonder what's your taste.

 Maybe It's similar to honey

or buttercream

 or strawberries

or cherries

or cotton candy.

Something sweet, I believe.