Something big happened.

I think I have a crush on someone.

I had crushes before but I always managed to just destroy them and all. And actually I don't want to have a relationship or be with the people the crush "targets", I'm satisfied with watching from afar and notice their little details. And, specially, I have crushes simultaneously.

So, for me, it's new to have a crush that gets my total attention and even with some of my older crushes in the same school, this crush is capable to steal my whole attention. It's weird and I'm not used to it.

I'm scared and I'm not. I'm scared of hurting myself in any way, not like from rejection because I don't even want to have something with my crush. I'm actually scared of devenloping this feeling, falling deeper and in the end I will be this person that I've always hated and admired. I'm still young. I don't want to experience this. I hate the feeling. I hate this reality.

I just want to follow my way, doing my things, meeting new people, devenloping friendships without any trouble and just do the things I like and be happy for myself and by myself. Not like alone but I want to be the person I want and until I don't reach that person, I don't want to commit myself to deeper feelings or people.

And yes, I still want to meet "the one" and due to my high expectations that person probably doesn't exist but I will still hope. I will improve myself to the one I want right now and ignore these feelings so I can achieve what I desire.